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Awkward

Created on: 2024-06-11

Modified on: 2024-06-12

Dating in a post covid world remains complicated. As I wrote previously, there's still a substantial amount of discrimination against us refuseniks. Why the vaxxed should still be so scared is beyond me. After their 7th booster, or whatever, don't they feel safe?

We, the refuseniks, have a different dilemma. We seek each other, and we're the minority.

I recently bumped into an old acquaintance and caught up. We got talking about vaccines; she's known my stance from 2020 onwards; back then, I tried to warn her about the madness of the whole situation, and the dangers of the new "vaccines".

I couldn't quite remember, so I cautiously asked her vaccine status. Oops, she's generally against vaccines, but had acquiesced to having one shot against covid. No boosters.

Awkward.

The conversation unintentionally but inevitably drew attention to our previous chats about the dangers of the vaccines. I tried to tell her, "Well, if it was a while back and nothing happened, you'll probably be alright."

I was thinking of the short term effects, but she added to this: "Yeah, hopefully I don't get cancer."

Awkward.

"I'm sure you'll be alright," I offered.

There's really no easy way to have these conversations. This was just a casual conversation between old acquaintances, but you could just as easily have the same awkwardness when trying to chat someone up in a bar or café.

The time to have these conversation was before everyone took the shots. We refuseniks tried, but most people didn't listen, and quite a few got extremely hostile.

But for my acquaintance, it gets worse.

Some good news first: she's heavily pregnant.

Now the bad news: even though she's against vaccination in general, her partner is very much a believer. She'd rather not have her child get the usual vaccines, but he won't even consider that.

I said, "I can recommend some really good books," to which she responded: "He won't read them."

So, she's having a child with a man who insists on a certain medical pathway, one of the most important choices they'll ever make for their child; he won't consider any alternative, and will not even read solid evidence if it is proferred. The best she's hoping for is that she can delay vaccination until the child is a little older and has a stronger immune system.

We all make our choices. My acquaintance is in a halfway situation - generally against vaccines, but took a covid shot. Would prefer not to vaccinate her child, but her partner insists otherwise. How much this is an issue for her, I don't know. I wish her, her man, and their child the very best.

I do know that for many of us covid-vax-refuseniks, questions like childhood vaccination are really important, and for many of us, a deal-breaker. And if I were in a serious relationship, we were talking about having kids, and suddenly we found we were not on the same page on this, that would be a serious problem. What to do then? Compromise? Break up? Neither option would be easy.

Maybe you're in your 20s and not thinking about anything long-term. OK, I get that. But for those of us, young or old, who are looking for something more substantial, I think dating should remain fun, but it is increasingly also a screening process.

I gave up on mainstream dating sites in 2021. I had just rejoined a famous site, but any time I asked a prospective date if she'd taken a covid vaccine, the answer came back as an enthusiastic and proud "yes". When I then declined to take it any further, and gave my reasons - "This is a new technology, there are some concerns about its safety, at this time I'm keeping a distance from it, etc." - was I too blunt? Maybe, but the responses I got were really quite rude. I had thought it was only women who have to deal with tantrums when they turn down prospective dates, but apparently it happens in both directions.

Niche dating sites, such as Unjibbed, allow us to skip the really awkward conversations. All niche dating sites pre-filter the people you meet by virtue of the fact that they're on that site in the first place.

So much easier . . .

That's why I created Unjibbed.

Some tech stuff

I recently asked if people would be kind enough to give me permission to use their image on the main page. A few of you generously agreed.

Thank you guys so much!

I've just added that feature as I publish this, so new visitors will see a few of your faces. Any more volunteers would also be much appreciated! The system's set up so the images shown are selected randomly from those available once per day. You can switch your image availability on or off at any time on the image cropping page. As you may see (depending on which images are shown), abstract or anonymized images are also accepted for this.

Currently there's a good span of ages here - from youngest to oldest it's close to 50 years. I really like this - it feels like a community crossing generations. While this site is only for adults (18+), there is still space for this range to get wider yet.

The site is still relatively new, but is picking up new members steadily, and I think the images will help it grow even faster, so thanks again to everyone who gave permission for the use of their image, or mentioned the site to a friend (for which I have a bribe), and so on. It's all very much appreciated!

Also I'm constantly trying to refine the site to make it easier to use. Any problems, please let me know via email or the support form.

- Antony

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